Overwhelmed With…Everything

Welcome to my first blog post!

I wanted to create this as an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings. Though, I prefer not to make this like a diary. More like a way to express feelings and sentiments that a lot of people generally have, and hopefully create some discussion amongst those of us who share the same moods. Also, I may occasionally post how I feel about world events or controversial topics.

The reason I felt like creating this tonight, is because I feel really depressed about my day.

I am a full-time college student, with a job that give me twenty to thirty hours a week, and two roommates. Safe to say, I have horrible time management. It’s not that I don’t try, but sometimes I just want to have an hour to do something I want.

I have left work every night this week at 11:30 p.m, then I delve into homework, and head to sleep at maybe one o’clock in the morning. Then, wake up at six thirty a.m to get ready for class, and then head over to work in the evening.

Today was finally my day off work, and even though I have classes from 9:30 a.m to 8:15 p.m, I enjoyed not heading into work.

But, as soon as I hit the road to drive to school, some impatient person starts honking at me to turn left at a busy intersection. Though it startled me, I ended up really mad. Obviously if I could turn, I would’ve turned. It’s eight o’clock in the morning, of course there’s going to be traffic. After a couple minutes, I’m able to go, but the man behind me tries to go around and cut me off (while I’m turning left, mind you), but it was too late for me to stop, so I went. I went at a safe time, but he apparently couldn’t wait for it to be clear and almost got into a crash with a vehicle who had the right of way.

I know this is just me complaining about a driver, but I also can’t understand people like this. Why do they feel so entitled that they risk other peoples lives? I get it, you’re in a rush to be somewhere, but have some common sense. I know a lot of people have been always said this, but common sense is definitely lacking these days.

Another event that ruined my day was a guy trying to talk to me. Now, I’m not a mean person. I will be friendly and not jump to conclusions about why a stranger is talking to me. I was just minding my own business when this FOB (fresh off the boat) Indian guy sat down next to me. FYI, I’m Indo-Guyanese-American. I didn’t really care and nothing happened, until I got up to leave to go to class. He stared at me the entire time, finally saying “You look familiar, where do I know you from?”

I have never seen this person in my life, and I need to walk across campus to get to my class. I just don’t have time for a random conversation, so I say, “I don’t know. I have to go to class, sorry.” And you know what he says?

“You’re a fucking bitch.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I didn’t do anything to deserve that. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, so I just gave him a disgusted look and angry-walked all the way to class. I hate guys who do that. Just because a girl doesn’t want to talk or go out or do whatever, there’s no need to call her anything. Why not just move on? It saves you time of talking to someone who’s not interested. So that was the second event of my horrible day.

And now third times the charm. The reason I felt like writing right now. I wrote a paper last week for one of my classes and the professor just uploaded the scores half an hour ago. I made a D+. I have never made that before and I feel like there’s a big rock in my stomach, weighing me down. I know that whatever I receive is my fault, so I’m not blaming the teacher.

It’s just the fact that something like this can make me feel so depressed. I’ve been trying to create an equal balance between school and work, but it’s hard. Honestly, work is more important to me because I have rent and other dues to pay. I just want to finish up my degree and get the hell out of there. My job is pretty good and I know that I can become full-time after school, which is my plan.

Living in the “real” world of working and paying bills, versus reading about things that aren’t going to benefit me at all, you can imagine which one is taking my priority. I know that the degree can help me, but majority of what they teach me in the classes are just not practical for real life, so I find myself focusing on more important matters.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I just wanted to get it out there. I feel sick to my stomach about this grade, and my entire day in general. I would love to hear if you guys have gone through any of the same type of problems, or have any advice.

-A.

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